DO YOU SETTLE OR COMPROMISE?

Posted by Mary Marvella | 10:21 PM | 5 comments »

A bit of blogging and things we sometimes ponder.

Settle
Compromise
Deserve
Earn

These four words often play a part on whether or not we accomplish what want or need.


Settle:
We sometimes settle for less that we want in life and in our careers. Each of us knows someone who settled for one job when he or she wanted another.

Should we settle? If you need a job to let you feed your children, pay the rent, well, maybe you need to settle, for now, at least. Should you settle for a lower paying job because you’re a woman or because you have less experience, and/or training than some other folks who have the job you wanted? Jobs can be stepping stones to get what you really want if you try to hold on to your dreams and keep working on them, getting more and better training or going for a different job.

Should someone settle for the person he or she can get as a lover or spouse if that person thinks finding real love won’t happen? Women have done that for centuries for security and because it was expected. They often encouraged their daughters to do the same thing.

Compromise:
People who are at odds often try to find a middle ground that comes closest to what each wants or needs. Maybe you’ve compromised so often you don’t expect to get what you really want so you don’t bother to want?

Many of us compromise by getting jobs we don’t love to pay the bills or save a time when we can write full time or chase another dream. Maybe we attended one school when we would have preferred another, which turned out to be a good thing. Some marriages and friendships fall apart because one person has to make all the compromises.

Can a person compromise too often or for too long?

Deserve:
We sometimes compromise or settle because we don’t believe we deserve what we want or need. Can we teach ourselves to believe we deserve the best?

Earn:
That’s my special buzz word and excuse. If I haven’t worked enough I haven’t earned success in writing. If I haven’t dieted or exercised, I don’t deserve to be thin and look great.

Now, should I settle for being sizes larger than I want to be? Should I settle for no books sold? Should I settle or compromise by wearing clothes designed to hide my real size or giving away my work? Is it ever too late to earn the things I deserve?

I’ve barely grazed the tip of this iceberg, but I’ll bet you ladies have comments to share, suggestions and advice!

5 comments

  1. Misc. Muse // January 13, 2008 at 1:43 AM  

    hm, alot to think about. I think it is mainly us women who comprimize men aren't so good at it. You hear them complain all the way. Sometimes we settle for less because of the messages you were given growing up. When I am successful at something even now, I am surpised, I was given message I wasn't very smart, my grades were good. Looking back, most of my grades were fine, others should have been a signal, I needed bit of help.

  2. Mary Marvella // January 13, 2008 at 2:20 AM  

    Women weren't supposed to be important because we had to make men feel important. A lot of men never learned to make marriage a partnership.

    Women want to be liked so we try not to upset men or each other.

  3. Beth Trissel // January 13, 2008 at 9:05 AM  

    Ok, enough settling. Altogether now, let's sing, "The Impossible Dream!"

  4. Mona Risk // January 13, 2008 at 2:21 PM  

    What a great blog. Thumb up. Yes I compromised on jobs as a first step to get better. Later I decided I was fed up of compromizing ang got out to work hard at finding my ideal job. It wasn't easy, but I got it. And succeeded. But I never compromized in marriage. Compromizing here would be too painful. So one has to clearly think, evaluate and decide what is worth compromizing and what deserves better.

  5. Nightingale // January 14, 2008 at 10:07 AM  

    Right on, Beth. I've settled many times. Compromise isn't one of my better words. But when we finish Impossible Dream, let's sing I Did It My Way!

    Thought-provoking article, Mary.