Tomorrow my brother will turn 52. He worked for Immigration and Naturalization for over 26 years and had been Port Supervisor in Mission, Texas for 10 years.
I left home for college at the age of 16 and my brother was only six. I don't have years of living with him behind me, I only have what I remember and what I don't want to remember. Within some people evil exits. I didn't used to believe that. But I do now. It's insidious how it lurks and you have no clue it's there. Behind closed doors things happen. Thing you really can't believe until they smack you in the face and life changes because of those things.
Five years ago my brother killed his wife. He lost it and shot her. It has affected me to the point that I could not face it, or him. I have not communicated much with him. I guess I should feel guilty about it, but I don't. I haven't a lot to say. Oh by the way, how's life? Hmmm. The impact on our family has devastated everyone. Personally I am ashamed and embarrassed about it. Well I was.
Until I realized how little it really has to do with me. How could a person do it? Pull the trigger of a gun and shoot someone, point blank, five times? It was my mother's, mother related comment that finally freed me. She said, "he's innocent."
The shock still makes me cringe when I think about it. So I thanked her. I thanked her for not making me the favorite. I thanked her for showing favoritism to some of us and not at all to others. I thanked my father for not loving me like they love my brother. They created a person who doesn't get it. And thank God it has nothing to do with me.
I thank God for not giving me what I thought I wanted. Not being the favorite child was the best thing you have ever done for me. Though I didn't know it at the time.
So tomorrow is my little brothers birthday. I will probably never see him again. And I only feel sorry for the family of his dead wife. Two children had not one, but both parents, murdered by a mate who lost it.
The purpose of this blog is to make you think. Get help if you need it and he knew he needed it. But he didn't get that help. Don't think that escape is the way to handle your problems. Alcohol is a temporary escape. Look at your life and be grateful for those people you have in your life that get it.
Life is about being with others, loving and caring for others. Get help if you need it!!! The rest is all cream...


  1. Judy // March 9, 2012 at 3:27 PM  

    Such a sad story, Mary. It is hard to believe that someone can kill a loved one,even in a rage. There are many factors, but today, with alcohol and drug abuse so high, even more murders and other horrible acts take place than perhaps in the past. You're right to decide he's been on one path and you're on another. Still, I'm sure it hurts. Happy Un-birthday to you!

  2. Autumn Jordon // March 9, 2012 at 4:12 PM  

    Mary, I don't know what to say other than my heart breaks for you.

  3. Beth Trissel // March 9, 2012 at 5:06 PM  

    Tragic and terrible, Mary. Yes, thank God, you traveled a very different road.

    "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference." ~ Robert Frost

  4. Nightingale // March 9, 2012 at 5:09 PM  

    A heartbreaking thing to happen, but thank goodness you realized you had nothing to do with it. This is a powerful post, Mary.

  5. Mary Marvella // March 9, 2012 at 6:03 PM  

    What a moving post! Mary R, you are a terrific and generous person! I am sooo sorry you had a brother so unlike you. Love and HUGS!

  6. Pamela Varnado // March 9, 2012 at 10:08 PM  

    Beth, I'm glad you had the courage to share this story with us. So many people hold in their pain. But it's in the telling that you find true freedom. You've inspired me. Especially, since I'm working on finding relief from my own sorrows.

  7. Mary Ricksen // March 10, 2012 at 7:19 PM  

    I truly think the shame was making me not want to face it. So talking and understanding go a long ways. And I still feel fortunate,I have friends like you guys. That means a lot.
    It makes me feel for parents and other family member of those who do horrific things. That person you thought you knew you don't know at all...
    I think alcohol had a big effect in this situation too. But still I can't wrap my head around it.

  8. Scarlet Pumpernickel // March 10, 2012 at 8:06 PM  

    Mary, you pain comes through strongly in your words. I've never thought about the fact that not being anyone's favorite as a child might have had an impact on my life, no that's not really true. I've known that it made me stronger, work harder and thicker skinned. Sometimes it is better to be odd man (or woman) out. God Bless

  9. Mona Risk // March 10, 2012 at 11:12 PM  

    Oh Mary, this story is a terribly sad story. It took a lot of courage on your part to share it.

  10. Josie // March 12, 2012 at 1:08 PM  

    Thank you so much for sharing such a heart-felt and beautiful post.

  11. Anonymous // April 12, 2012 at 8:12 PM  

    just happened to stumble across your blog. Let me tell you I can completely understand how you feel. A little over six years ago my brother killed his wife. Our family was & still is heart broken. I have amazing parents and other wonderful siblings. I haven't seen or talked to my brother since his trial. I guess in a way I still am numb and don't know how to feel. How do you wrap your head around something like this, I don’t know it is just so uncomprehendable.