Nothing is scarier to me than to hear the words, "I'm coming for a visit." Oh yippee, I get to wait on people and not get paid.

How about, "I need to borrow money." If it's family kiss it goodbye.

Or better yet, "Can you watch the kids?" The words alone make me shudder.

When the doctor says, he doesn't have a clue what's wrong, but you need a colonoscopy!Awful huh?

Or it's time for your gynecological torture and breast squeezing procedure? Do you prefer your metal thingee warm? Who cares just grease the thing, please!

How about,"The tooth has to come out!" That'll be $4,000 for a fixed bridge to replace your lost tooth. Heavens.

A good one for me is, "Quick call 911, the car is on fire! I knew I should have changed that catalytic converter." Or, "I can fix the dishwasher no problem." The scream when he gets a shock can be very scary.

Gas is going up to what? Oh God help us the Republican's have to go! There's King Bush, he makes me quake. We have who to choose from? What I have to vote? At a polling place, in Florida, oh yeah why bother.

The shopping carts in Winn Dixie--Don't go without disinfectant handiwipes. Have you looked at the gross stuff on those carts, where you actually put your hands. What germs are harbored there? The only thing worse is all those plastic bags with one thing in each one.

Here's one for you, they are raising our water bills because people have been conserving water and they are not making enough money now. Huh?

New appliances are scary, that thing you brought will break in three months, if it ever works at all.

Or how about made in China, and we used to be worried about made in Japan. They are sending us food, toys and whatever else we buy from them, they're gonna kill us from inside. Even worse is the fact that we as a country import much more than we export. Do the math.

Submitting manuscripts, (put scream in here). Horrible! Waiting for an answer, even worse!

How about, your not home, yep, public restrooms, need I say more. Public swimming pools, people pee in them. They'll deny it, but they do.

I always liked Indiana Jones, but come on Harrison is too old for the part and his real life girlfriend too. I know they cover up the wrinkles but they are there, I'm sure of it.

School ending, what are all those delightful little devils going to do all summer, I mean the teenage ones, frightening to think about.Going to the movies by the way is also bad, especially if there is a bomb scare. $18 each and a bomb scare. Show the damn movie, I don't care.

Or when you go to K mart and get to watch a shoot out right in back of your car. They did get away with some awfully cool clothes. No one got killed but it still shakes you up.

Reruns of Malcolm in The Middle, need I say more. The only thing worse is reruns of Hogan's Hero's, I know nothing.

Phone orders with your credit card, this also applies to those stores who give you a little paper receipt with no business name on it.

Really old people at the Chinese Buffet, especially if they carry their purses up to the food and look around a lot.

The napkins you have to use at your parents home that they steal from fast food places. How long have they had them that they are brown?

Bills, they are frightening. Can you juggle the money to pay everyone?Having to drive to Miami airport to pick someone up. Have you been to the airport recently. Thinking about it puts one on red alert.

Tar on the beach. It's gross, I never thought aqua waters and white sand harbored waters had more than the occasional man-o-war. Bring your shout with you and wipe off the tar before you get in the car. Or your husband will scare you with his red face as he tries to get it out of the carpet. Anybody know what I mean?

So all I have to say is if Friday the 13th is scary to you, if black cats worry you when they cross your path. If those noises the house makes as it settle, start to get to you. Forget it. Frankenstein, pish, I have Lyrch living with me. I can't be sure but I think that no AC in your car in Florida is scarier than Godzilla, heck I liked those two oriental girls on Mothra. I wanted him to fly and get me too.No horror movies bother me, no ghosts or spirits worry me. No monsters, piranha infested waters, creatures, vampires, evil sorcerer or anything sinister holds me quaking.It's life itself, that's what scares me. You're on top one day and down on the bottom the next. That's where the real scary stuff comes in.

Doing things right can scare the heck out of you. But then I always knew the danger is not in the fear of things, but how you respond


  1. Beth Trissel // June 13, 2008 at 10:56 AM  

    Loved this, Mary. Very witty and I get you, girl.

  2. Toni VS // June 13, 2008 at 12:11 PM  

    Oh, MM, true so very true? Getting old pales in comparison to what EVERYONE is suffering! Thanks for making me laugh so early in the morning!

  3. Mary Ricksen // June 13, 2008 at 1:54 PM  

    Thanks guys, laughing is good for you.

  4. Nightingale // June 13, 2008 at 9:38 PM  

    Totally entertaining, Mary R. I totally relate.

  5. Mary Marvella // June 13, 2008 at 9:56 PM  

    Soooo funny, New Mary. You scored a 10 out of 5 for things we all fear!

  6. Toni V.S. // June 15, 2008 at 3:32 PM  

    About those shopping carts--here in California, there's a stand with Chlorox Wipes next to the shopping cart corral to use before taking the cart into the store. Real thoughty, that!

  7. Mary Ricksen // June 16, 2008 at 1:01 PM  

    What's funny is that a lot of stores have them here, but they are always empty.