Invited to a Super Bowl party but don't like football? You can still enjoy yourself. Here's ten ways:

10. Get lost on the way and blame it on your navigation system.

9. Help the host/hostess: See how many chips you can stack into a bowl before they collapse.

8. Be a thoughtful guest: spend a few hours in the bathroom scrubbing the tile clean with your fingernail.

7. Root for the other team and see how long it takes for them to ask you to leave.

6. Bring your cell phone and type the great American novel, one text message at a time.

5. Bring running shoes and sneak off for a hike. If the party's any good, no one will notice.

4. Two words: root cellar.

3. Park yourself by the Super Bowl cake and see if anyone notices the frosting's licked off on one side.

2. Use this opportunity to help sea creatures by using your teeth to gnaw through the plastic rings holding the six-packs together.

1. All the good seats taken? Sneak into the kitchen and eat bean dip with a serving spoon. By halftime, you can gas your way to a good in time to watch the commercials.


Liz Jasper is the award-winning author of Underdead and Underdead In Denial. Visit her website at www.lizjasper.com for excerpts, reviews, the whole hoohaa. And have a great Sunday, however you spend it!!

12 comments

  1. Arkansas Cyndi // February 1, 2009 at 10:13 AM  

    You've missed the obvious...take a book.

    If you want to be subtle, take an audiobook on an mp3 player and pretend you are listening to the game on the radio (for a different perspective on the game.)

    Take a computer. Tell everyone that you're writing a football book so you're taking notes (while you are actually reading one of the free HQ books, or writing on your own. You could just carry a notebook and write. Again, telling the same story (notes for football story)

    Now, if you're willing to clean my bathroom, you DO NOT have to use your fingernail. Under the sink (in my bath) or on the floor in the linen closet (in the guest bath) you'll find everything you need to do a good job. Tilex. The Scrubbing Bubbles cleaner. Clorox disinfectant wipes (in a variety of smells - so pick one that is pleasing to you). Windex and paper towels to clean the mirror.

    I MUST comment on #3...This is UNACCEPTABLE behavior, unless I'm sitting beside you. Then, it'll be fun :)

    Happy commercials everyone, after all, that's the only thing I watch!

  2. Liz Jasper // February 1, 2009 at 2:11 PM  

    Since you asked first, you can have the other side of the cake. We'll wedge it between us when no one's looking.
    No Q-tips to do the tile?
    : ) Liz

  3. Mary Ricksen // February 1, 2009 at 2:29 PM  

    I hate watching football! I guess that makes me some kind of pariah.
    Like Cyndi says the only thing I watch is the commercials. If they have clam dip or a vegetable dip, that's where I will be. The stacking sounds like fun too.
    The cleaning, well I have to admit, that one is not for me. Ha!
    Very funny post, loved it.

  4. Scarlet Pumpernickel // February 1, 2009 at 3:02 PM  

    My number one way to enjoy super Sunday, is to go shopping while the DH enjoys the game. Barring that Cyndi's suggestion is second best. Today I'm meeting with CP, that would be MM! We're at Panera in Atlanta. Daughter is going shopping. So I'm all set!

    Happy Super Sunday everyone!

    Scarlet

  5. Mona Risk // February 1, 2009 at 4:05 PM  

    Here is a true superbowl story. My neighbors always threw a big party for Superbowl and invited the whole neighborhood. Needless to say when we were included for the first time we were thrilled. I asked my DH to give me a crash course on football. You see I drove my kids to football games every Friday but never bothered to learn about the game.

    We were well received and our hosts explained that we should put our bets. Hu?? Never heard about bets on football before. But rather than looking the idiot I felt, I circled a few things here and there on the board and smiled: these are my favorites, hoping the players I chose wouldn't dishonor me.

    The womemn gathered in the living room, chatted and gossiped while glancing from time to time at the screen. From the other room the loud comments of the husbands couldn't distract us.

    At half time we had dinner. Then they announced the winners. I couldn't believe my ears when they announced I was the number one winner. I laughed my heart out, but some people were upset, said that since I didn't know what I was doing, this was cheating.

    Embarrassed and blushing, I refused the forty dollars but our host insisted I should take them since I bet like everyone else. We were never invited again by these neighbors.

  6. Nightingale // February 1, 2009 at 6:19 PM  

    I opted for getting lost and blaming it on the GPS. I laughed aloud at every one of these.

  7. Mary Marvella // February 1, 2009 at 10:22 PM  

    You already know what I did! Scarlet, her daughter, and I ate at a place with the Game on TV but talked the entire time. We saw the halftime show on a big screen TV.

  8. Scarlet Pumpernickel // February 2, 2009 at 2:17 AM  

    Yes! Must say I did enjoy the half time show! By the way, anybody know who actually won? We left when halftime was over! Really enjoyed our dinner, didn't we MM?

    Scarlet

  9. Anonymous // February 2, 2009 at 7:58 AM  

    Mona, no great loss. Your hosts were unbelievably bad sports, and lousy hosts, as well.

  10. Joanne // February 2, 2009 at 8:35 AM  

    Mona,
    Great story. As I have for 32 years, I set up a lovely buffet at 6:00 p.m. for my dh and family, stayed for the coin toss and first play, and promptly exited the room for the evening.

  11. Judy // February 2, 2009 at 12:15 PM  

    It wasn't so bad...Love the commercials! LOL

  12. Beth Trissel // February 2, 2009 at 2:02 PM  

    Liz, you are, as ever, too funny!
    I stayed home on my couch, coughing my head off and watching movies instead.