A Friday Laugh - In the News

Posted by Nightingale | 9:52 AM | 4 comments »

From my witty friend Lucienne's MySpace blog:

Friday, March 14, 2008
Headline News for the Week of March 10-14, 2007 Category: News and Politics
I know that there have been a lot of stories in the news regarding the Obama/Clinton political battle, but the following were the most interesting news highlights to hit the internet this week. They all fall into the category of "I can’t make this stuff up."

New York Governor Spitzer and the Salaried Slut:
The idea of these two together in any way is just mind-boggling. Was "Kristen" a "Spitzer" or a "Swallower"? (thanks Rob for that editorial).
The only image more cringe-inducing was when Paula Deen said on her show, " When you wrap your lips around it, I need it really wet."

In Britney Spears News:
Britney is scheduled to appear on the show, "How I Met Your Mother" on CBS. She was supposed to appear on "How on Earth Did I Become a Mother" but the CW lost all visitation rights to the show in a custody battle with former station UPN.

Woman Sits on Boyfriend’s Toilet for Two Years:
At first I thought this was yet another Britney Spears story, but if it had been, she would have invited a member of the paparazzi into the bathroom with her.
Actually, this is a true news story out of Kansas. Supposedly the boyfriend had been trying to get her off the throne for the full two years. The boyfriend had called the sheriff’s office a month before to report that something was wrong with his girlfriend. Apparently, her skin had grown around the toilet seat and her legs had atrophied.
"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Sheriff Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."
This begs the following questions:
Why on earth would she still be on the toilet after 2 years? (Because I’ll just stay away from that restaurant.)
What did she eat while on there? (This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Grab-and-Go" food, doesn’t it?)
Were there two bathrooms in this house? What did the boyfriend do when nature called for him?
Why did it take him so long to call for any help? (I would have worried after two hours, let alone two years. )
Now do you understand why Dorothy "left" Kansas for the acid-induced Oz?

Woman Does 21 Accents in 2.5 minutes:
You can see the full clip of this right here on youtube.com:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UgpfSp2t6k
I would have been REALLY impressed had she done 21 of something else in 2.5 minutes, but I think Governor Spitzer has been busy enough lately.

School Backs Off Skittles Suspension:
In Connecticut: An eighth-grade honors student who was suspended for a day, barred from attending an honors dinner and stripped of his title as class vice president after he was caught with contraband candy in school will get his student council post back, school officials said.
The kid was caught buying a bag of candy from another student. I want to know what this school is doing for fund-raising because I used to sell candy for fund-raising at my school. If the kids have nothing else to do, this is probably why...

At Least 1 in 4 Teenage Girls has Sexually Transmitted Disease:
At least one in four teenage girls nationwide has a sexually transmitted disease, or more than 3 million teens, according to the first study of its kind in this age group.
Is this supposed to be better than buying and selling Skittles in class? Really, where are our priorities?

4 comments

  1. Mary Marvella // March 15, 2008 at 9:23 PM  

    Wonderful! I had most of the same reactions. I especially wondered how the woman on the toilet survived. Did the idiot guy feed her or let someone else? Seems like she'd have starved in less than two years.

  2. Nightingale // March 16, 2008 at 11:38 AM  

    Yea I had a problem with that too. I think Lucienne's funniest comment was the Britney Spears one. She's quite witty. Lucienne that is.

  3. Misc. Muse // March 17, 2008 at 6:41 PM  

    I am thinking all common sense has flown out the window- do people even know what it is anymore?

  4. Nightingale // March 19, 2008 at 9:38 AM  

    Common sense. There's nothing common about good sense. :-)