If a female cooks for a man, is invested in his personal life and spends money on him, it usually means she wants a relationship. This is a no-brainer, at least in my opinion. But how can she tell if HE’S interested in love or just wants to be friends?

One of my girl-pals has a male friend who seems to be attached to her side. He pet sits, showers money and attention on her, and comes running to her aid whenever she calls him on the phone, even if it’s three in the morning and she just has a Taco Bell craving. She says he’s a good friend but, to me, he seems to be putting in a lot of time and effort for just a friend.  

The guy is intelligent and has boatloads of common sense.  He doesn’t appear to be into playing games. But if he’s really interested, wouldn’t he just come out and say so? Gauging a man’s interest level can be tricky.

Now ladies, I need you to travel back in time to your dating days. How did you know if a friend was interested in you as a potential partner rather than a buddy or sidekick? What were the signals and behaviors you looked for?


  1. Beth Trissel // October 31, 2011 at 9:51 AM  

    YES! He's doing everything he can to show her how much he adores her, but is probably afraid she only wants him as a friend. That's why he hasn't risked telling her he's in love.

  2. Mary Marvella // October 31, 2011 at 9:54 AM  

    Good question. I was shy back then and clueless! We always figured when a guy came up the hill from the boys school before school, (our high schools were not coed) and hung around that he was into the girl he hung around. I think I might have missed a few signals, but I thought the guys were there for someone else. They probably were, since I wasn't asked out often.

  3. Mary Marvella // October 31, 2011 at 9:57 AM  

    I agree with Beth! There was a guy who hung around me one year in college, but I was dating someone else. The guy was younger and I couldn't make him go away, no matter how much I cut him down. (I was snarky back then, before we had the word, even!)

  4. Judy // October 31, 2011 at 12:07 PM  

    Some people want to be needed...maybe that's all he wants...I'm wondering where all that chemistry is, the good times in bed... I think that's when you know if he's really into you forever or just having a good time

  5. Mary Ricksen // October 31, 2011 at 2:16 PM  

    I was a terrible wall flower. If someone was interested, my low self esteem probably sent them running. I missed a lot of signals. I had guys tell me years later they'd wanted to go out with me. But I never knew I was clueless. Men are an enigma to me! And still are even married for 34 yrs! I still don't get him!!!

  6. Pamela Varnado // October 31, 2011 at 3:03 PM  

    Beth, I think he likes my friend also, even though he hasn't said anything. And he is probably is afraid she'll reject him. Hurts hurts.

  7. Pamela Varnado // October 31, 2011 at 3:03 PM  

    Mary M. You were shy? That's hard to believe, Miss Social Butterfly.

  8. Pamela Varnado // October 31, 2011 at 3:05 PM  

    Judy, I thought about the need to be needed angle, but it doesn't seem to fit him. He's has lots of other friends to share his kindness with but seems fixated on my friend.

  9. Pamela Varnado // October 31, 2011 at 3:06 PM  

    Mary R. Like you, I was a wallflower. I didn't say more than ten words on my first date. I cringe just remembering it. But I've been married for 27 years. Go figure?

  10. Nightingale // October 31, 2011 at 4:36 PM  

    Travel back? I'm single and I don't have a clue how to tell if a man is interested. Now, I do have a current "friend" who makes it clear he's in love. He showers me with jewelry, flowers and jumps to my command. Wouldn't you know it--I'm not into him!

  11. Pamela Varnado // October 31, 2011 at 6:42 PM  

    Linda, too bad you're not into your new "friend". He sounds like a keeper.

  12. Hildie McQueen // October 31, 2011 at 7:48 PM  

    It's too much of a gamble on both sides, if she makes a move and he's not interested it will affect their friendship, on the other hand if he comes out and tells her how he feels and she breaks his heart, then the same thing happens, their friendship is in ruins. It seems to me that their friendship is too precious for either of them to risk it. However the romantic in me hopes that one day they will, and live happily ever after, together!

  13. Pamela Varnado // October 31, 2011 at 9:05 PM  

    Hi Hildie. Ah, happy after ever. The stuff of fairy tales. Thankfully, it does happen in real life.

  14. Scarlet Pumpernickel // October 31, 2011 at 11:48 PM  

    I'm with MM, I was really dense as a teen. Probably missed a few. But I had two older brothers who had friends over all the time and I was always in luv with one or another. They treated me like their troublesome little sister.

  15. Pamela Varnado // November 1, 2011 at 12:31 AM  

    Scarlet, I can so relate to having crushes on my brother's friends. Because I was a teen, I thought the older boys were the epitome of manhood.

  16. Dr. Debra Holland // November 1, 2011 at 2:06 AM  

    He may be afraid to take the risk and possibly ruin a good friendship. She might start by casually saying, "Have you ever thought we might make the perfect couple?" Then see how he reacts.

  17. Josie // November 3, 2011 at 2:17 PM  

    You ask some tricky questions. One never knows how to gauge a man's thoughts, let alone his interests.

    For the record, I married my "best friend" and we've been happily married for 36 years.