Have you ever heard the saying "That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger?" Whoever said it obviously has been following me hoping for a laugh or two.

Do I feel strong? Heck no...but I am a survivor. Sure, I occasionally have a fit, scream and yell. And yes, I do know how to throw a heck if a pity party but at the end of the day you have to find a way to crawl into bed and hope the heaven you'll find a silver lining in the morning.

I will make no bones about it, reality bites, but I like to think I bite back as well.

If you have a perfect life you'll hate my books. Just sayin'. But if you're anything like me, even doing a good deed can get you into trouble. Don't believe be? How about this for evidence:

My neighbor and I would go for a walk every day after my kids finished their homework and before I'd start dinner. NOTE: Judy and I love our plants and when we see a plant, shrub, or tree go to seed we've been known to take a collection and use said seeds and try to grow a seedlings.

On this particular fall day we were walking round the track at Houge Park in San Jose. Judy happened to notice her favorite tree had gone to seed and that the pods had started to dry and split open. Judy is 4'11". I'm barely 5'3". As the taller of the two I jumped up grabbed the bottom branch and pulled myself up in to the tree. Made sure I had a good perch and proceed to collect some good pods, dropping them to Judy.

I then lean forward to swing out of the tree...only to discover I have a major problem...I'm stuck...as in I have a freaking hole in the butt if my jeans and the broken limb of the branch I'm sitting on is holding me hostage by the hiney.

Judy looks up and says, "You like that tree or something come on down."

"I'd love to but I'm stuck," I said.

Laughter commences and yes, I too, am laughing, but still I'm stuck.

I reach behind me trying to gauge just how stuck I am, Judy just starts laughing harder and says, "Get your hand out of your butt before you embarrass us."

"Us?" I said, sarcastically.

Next thing I know I see her suddenly squat and tie her shoes and she starts whispering, "Pull your legs up"...only I can't hear her.

When I don't do as she asks, she says a bit louder, "Pull your legs ups." I can see enough of her face to see something is up, and yet I can see her shoulders shaking, she's laughing her fool head off.

I'm am so not amused.

Now as trees go, this is a big tree and it's full, so I can't see clearly around me.

I ask Judy, "What's so important down there?" I mean how long does it take to tie a shoe?

She stands up and practically shouts, "Pull your legs up."

About this time I notice two additional sets of shoes, one on either side of her.

Did I forget or mention that the fire department does their exercising at the park several says a week...yeah you guessed it. The guys part the branches of the tree and ask, "Need some help?"

Judy has lost it by then, collapsed on the grass holding her stomach. Me, I'm stuck in freaking tree with two gorgeous fireman asking if I need help. What's a girl to do?

I lied of course I told them I had just put a baby bird back in its nest. There were no nests in that tree. Yes, I looked.

Finally, I managed to get my feet under me then yanked with all my might pulling myself into a squat and my britches free from the broken branch...but not without tearing my jeans more. Yes you could hear the rip, noticeably so.

How do I know this? Judy's laughter has grown, escalating into hysteria. The guys, eye crinkling, lips twitching, trying their best to force a straight face and politely help me swing down to safety. Bless their hearts, they made it all of three feet before they exploded into fits of laughter.

Judy got her seeds. Me, just a nice case of humiliation.

Again I say...life is just one big walk in the park...NOT!

Deb
PS. Stay away from trees, they bite!

20 comments

  1. Mary Marvella // February 11, 2014 at 12:48 PM  

    Lord have mercy, girl! You do have some embarrassing moments! Showing your ass to firemen?

  2. Autumn Jordon // February 11, 2014 at 12:50 PM  

    ROTHFL Too funny. What a way to met a fireman!

  3. Cindy Sample // February 11, 2014 at 12:55 PM  

    Hi Deb. I can so relate. Life is just one embarrassing moment after another for me. My daughter refers to experiences like this as mishaps. I just call them more material for my books! Loved it!

  4. debjulienne // February 11, 2014 at 1:15 PM  

    Mary...I have so much ammunition for stories from real life I'm sure I'll be accused of lying...and believe me I wish I were...but my cohorts in these excursions into madness, know its true.

  5. debjulienne // February 11, 2014 at 1:15 PM  

    Autumn, and this wasn't even the worst one...I'm trying to get my courage up to post that one...not sure I will ever be able to.

  6. Paisley Kirkpatrick // February 11, 2014 at 1:15 PM  

    Good grief, Lil Sis. I hadn't heard that particular story before. You must put that into a book and make the hero a fireman. Perfect!

    Huggles!

  7. debjulienne // February 11, 2014 at 1:16 PM  

    Cindy, you and I will be writing long after we run out of material.

  8. debjulienne // February 11, 2014 at 1:17 PM  

    Hi Sis, yeah, I've got lots I've never owned up to to you...guess you'll find out just how goofy I really am.

  9. Beth Trissel // February 11, 2014 at 3:33 PM  

    Oh my heavens. This is hilarious. And I love the humor in your writing.

  10. debjulienne // February 11, 2014 at 3:47 PM  

    Beth, it's fun thinking back about it now, at the time...notsomuch

  11. Mary Ricksen // February 11, 2014 at 4:39 PM  

    Hysterical, I can just picture it.
    With me in the tree. Sounds like something I'd do. However, at this point, I would have grinned, shrugged my shoulders and let them help me. Squeezing muscular arms to hold myself steady. Perfect setup...LOL

  12. Scarlet Pumpernickel // February 11, 2014 at 5:27 PM  

    What an adventure! Sounds like something MM and I would have done! We have been know to get into a bit of mischief from time to time! Enjoyed your story.

  13. Mona Risk // February 11, 2014 at 6:32 PM  

    Hilarious. You've got to put this scene in a book or build a story around it, with a fireman falling in love with the heroine!

  14. Barbara Monajem // February 11, 2014 at 7:40 PM  

    What a great story, Deb! Thanks for posting it.

  15. debjulienne // February 12, 2014 at 10:44 AM  

    Mary R, next time I get the urge to climb a tree, I'll call you, it would be nice to have company when they come. ;-)

  16. debjulienne // February 12, 2014 at 10:45 AM  

    Scarlet, I wonder if we all crawl up a tree if they'd catch on?

  17. debjulienne // February 12, 2014 at 10:46 AM  

    Mona, I'm actually working something similar into book 4...

  18. debjulienne // February 12, 2014 at 10:47 AM  

    Barbara, Glad you enjoyed it, more to come...

  19. Mary Marvella // February 12, 2014 at 4:59 PM  

    Yes, Scarlet and I would do that!
    I was a tree climber years ago. Now heights are not my friends.

  20. Josie // February 17, 2014 at 12:03 PM  

    Very fun post. I really enjoyed it. Might be a great idea to build a story around it.