Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts




I love any kind of comedy, "I Love Lucy", "Laverne & Shirley", "Golden Girls", you name it...I love them.

Why, because they make me laugh!

In this day and age where all you see on the news is: terrorists, tragedy, killing and other horrible events...I need something happy, silly, okay, downright goofy to make me smile, laugh, and believe the world isn't a completely lost cause.





For me it's about the situation comedies...I mean really...who doesn't cringe at the voice of Lucy saying "I've got an idea."





Or any of the mad-capped Zany things Laverne and Shirley did.





How many problems were solved around that little kitchen table for Rose, Dorothy, Blanche, or Sophia, usually with cheesecake?


I write romantic comedies. The television shows mentioned above are all visual, but how far can you safely push the comedy in a book and have people get it? Romantic comedy, to me, is the ability to use your words to create the visual images the television does...and man is it hard. One wrong or misplaced word can totally screw up the visual effect you want to convey.

The following is from the opening scene of my debut book, Sex, Lies, and Beauty Aids:

“Oh for the love of God.” Bent over the tiny sink in the office restroom, Sabrina Thompson cupped cold water in her hands and splashed her lips.

Shocked, she stared into the mirror. Her reflection didn’t lie. Who’d have thought her skin could burn so badly without actually being on fire?

Of all the dumb-assed idiotic gimmicks. Why had paraffin wax, petroleum jelly, and jalapeno extract sounded harmless? Hindsight. Redder, plumper lips without lipstick seemed like a reasonable goal. She’d never expected this. If there were a Mick Jagger look-a-like contest, she’d count on a rejection. Even he wouldn’t want these lips.

“This is what I get for trusting the Internet.” Her lips vibrated like a kazoo when she spoke. The recipe probably had a tag for great April Fools pranks and some fifteen-year-old boy wrote it while he laughed his ass off. It crossed her mind to take a picture of the results to show what not to do.

Why today, of all days, to have an early morning meeting in the boss’s office? Thank God her boss was also her best friend. Sure, Kat would have questions about her lips. And yes, there’d be laughter at her expense, like that was something new.

Sabrina gently blotted her lips with a moist paper towel, and prayed she’d removed it all. She checked the makeup covering the scar on her right cheek, peeked out the bathroom door to be certain the coast was clear, and headed to Kat’s office. At least since she’d come in early, nobody was around to witness her humiliation.

Kat had been out of town, on the East Coast, something to do with her family. Other than a quick email to schedule this meeting, she hadn’t heard from her in over a week.

She stopped by the water cooler. Ice water in hand, she dropped into one of the ultra-modern leather chairs opposite Kat’s desk. Dunking her sore lips in the water, she made a mental note to run by her favorite consignment shop during her lunch to check out the Manolo’s that had just come in. Tina said they were her size. A perfect gift to herself for her promotion to Senior Editor. She admired the framed covers of past magazine issues lining the office. Kat made the magazine what it was today. She was proud of the periodical.

“Sabrina, right on time, as us—” Kat stopped mid-stride. “What the hell is wrong with your mouth? You look like a fish.”

Startled, she sloshed water on her skirt and tried to act casual as she wiped herself off. “The recipe didn’t mention possible swelling, only increased blood supply to the lips.” Better than what you do with yours, caught in her throat at Kat’s colorless expression. So much for hoping it wasn’t that bad.

Kat turned away, took boxes from the closet and began transferring files to them.

“What’s wrong?” Sabrina asked.

Kat didn’t respond.

“A bit early for spring cleaning, aren’t you?”

“In case I haven’t told you, I really appreciate your punctuality. Especially today.”

“What’s so special about today?” Something in Kat’s tone set her on edge, making her cautious of Kat’s behavior.

Wishing she were anywhere but here, Sabrina slid her tongue over her plump, burning lips. Mid-lick, her worst nightmare and hottest fantasy walked in, past her chair, and behind Kat’s desk. No. First her lips, then her job, now him. The man she’d dreamt of for years.

Trent Wellington.

Maybe if she pretended to be calm, cool, and collected, and ignored the fact she felt like a circus clown, he wouldn’t notice her or her enormous lips.

He winked and grinned at Kat, who merely nodded and went back to her files.

Struggling to set the cup on Kat’s desk, her vision swam, the desk weaving in and out of her reach. Her hands shook so badly she was sure to dump the rest of the water on herself. She folded her hands in her lap, knuckles white, and smiled as if it was any other day. She could do this. And maybe, she’d even pull this meeting off without thoroughly humiliating herself in front of him, again.

When he glanced her way, his brows shot up and his grin only added to her paranoid misery.

She wished someone would hurry up and say something because her jangled nerves had re-ignited the jalapeno oil.

Trent—not Kat—took the seat behind the desk.

Kat studied the carpet, blinking watery eyes.

****

Hopefully the imagery I wanted to come out in the opening scene came through??? And yet, how zany can a book be. My story has a couple of old ladies that I unleashed on the hero, Trent...Mitzi and Vera do a pretty good job of utterly humiliating him.

In book two (I'm almost done with revisions) they multiply and become the Blue-Haired Brigade...my goal in life is to become one of them in my old age.

I'd love to hear from you...if you read this book and your thoughts are on Mitzi and Vera.

Have a wonderful day.

deb

I’m still on the road to discovery
By Deb Julienne

 Ever heard of the “overnight” success?

Yeah, that’s not me…not unless you take into consideration that it took me eighteen + years to finally get a book contract.

Work, life, family, health issues, you name it; it got in my way, until now.

Today I received the cover for my debut book “Sex, Lies, and Beauty Aids” and I couldn’t be happier--well okay, I lied, I will be happier when it’s finally released.

I’ve already gone through the pre-edits…only to discover I’m a “was” whore…can you say passive? See, I’m learning...and we won’t even go into the other over used words, now changed.

When I think back to when I started writing and the journey it’s taken me on…and yes, I got lost, several times, but the road to discovery…I honestly don’t think I’d change a thing.

In a perfect world we’d know what we need to know to get there. In my world getting lost takes you on some seriously hysterical detours. Needless to say, I am thrilled to be where I am now.

I’ve met some of the most wonderful people on this path, friends I never want to be without. We’ve had fun moments, sad moments, crazy moments and lots of laughs and for those lovely people, I am truly blessed.

I want to say "Thank You" to everyone who helped me along the way.

More to time as I go through the editing process.

You can find me on:

Twitter: @debjulienne

Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/debjulienne/

 Blurb for Book I: Sex, Lies, and Beauty Aids
 
Sabrina Thompson is the editor in charge of finding and sharing Natural Beauty Secrets for articles in Skin Deep Magazine. Her perfect little world crumbles when her new boss informs her she will have to take on another column or lose her job. Imagine her surprise when she discovers her new job is offering advice for the Love and Sex column. What does a twenty-four year old virgin know about Love or Sex, when she's never been on a third date?
 
Trent Wellington is playing one final game of “Sexcapades” with his twin brother. Only this time the con is on the family. While Travis is drying out, Trent assumes his brother’s identity in order to save the magazine. Trent knows about Sabrina’s lack of experience and plans to be her practice toy until Sabrina discovers she’s been conned.
 
What happens on the road to "Educating Sabrina" is a wild and bumpy ride. Getting even has never been so much fun.

Well my first book signing was last Saturday, at the World Erotic Art Museum. A very interesting place indeed. I saw some of the most tasteful paintings I have ever seen. Some of the them, the faces just told you a story, of desperate adoration to complete boredom. I saw statues of erotic nature from as far back as 500 BC. Even then sex was depicted in many ways. Some beautiful, some of which I'd rather not think. All in all, I am glad to have seen it. I got to see things from Egypt, Africa, Japan, and all sorts of other countries. I also got to see my chapter president, a wonderful educated and fun woman sit on a huge, I mean huge statue of you know what. I still have it in my cell phone, along with one of my friend who came with me. Hmmm, could be useful.

After a tour which made me feet feel like cement blocks, I sat down at my first panel, at my first book signing, and gulp, short speech on Sensuality in Romance. A topic that I am not sure I know about. In any case, knees knocking, and heart pounding, with a paper in front of me, I waited for the panel to start. Wonderful and talented people sat all around me. Zelda Piskosz moderated the panel. Also on the panel were Joanne Straatsma/Jianne Carlo, Lyn Armstrong, Lisa Manuel/Alison Chase, Traci Hall, Linda Conrad, Mona Risk, and me. I'm thinking to myself for quite a while before the event. What the heck are you crazy? What are you going to say, wear, say. You get my drift? So first, the wonderful Zelda spoke, then Traci, then Joanne, by this time I'm thinking I can do this. They Aren't talking long, this is nothing too difficult. The Lisa spoke, and then me. Heart thumpin', sweat rolling and stomach jumping all together at one time. Fear. But somehow, I did it, I really did it! And I didn't make a total fool of myself. Flashbulbs lighting to accommodate pictures in front of me, was so strange to see. They were taking our pictures like crazy. Next was Lyn,(show off, that level of comfort was so hard to take). After Lyn came Linda, and then finally Mona. Everyone had finished and when no one had questions, we were done. Done! Whoo Hoo, done!
Everyone got up to leave, and I felt instant relief. I'd accomplished something my agoraphobic mind could not imagine. Yeah! Then Lisa who was sitting next to me pointed behind me. She said softly, "Look who is with us in all the pictures." I looked behind me, and shock took hold. There was a huge organ there, and you know what kind of organ I mean. It even had fur glued to the bottom. It was bright pink, like my face. I couldn't speak for a minute. Then I looked at Lisa and we both laughed, me out of incredulous, her because she writes sweet and sensual, not hot or even spicy.
And so I'd done it my first book signing, even if all I had were bookmarks and no release date. I'd done it. Albeit in an unusual way, I did it.

by Pamela Roller

Since Valentine's Day is right around the corner, let’s talk about things from the kitchen that spice up our sex lives.

These aren’t aphrodisiacs I’m speaking of.

Aphrodisiacs are supposed to arouse sexual desire; however, they don’t really work. Even Viagra is not an aphrodisiac. All it does is bring more blood to the penis and keep it there, which helps a man maintain an erection. He has to start out with the sexual desire in the first place.

The fact that some foods look like genitals classifies them as aphrodisiacs, so these might be considered sex foods. For example, think about the shape of a banana. Or a long, thick carrot. Not much brain power needed to know that those two reasonable a penis. More imagination is required to picture avocados resembling testicles, or oysters looking like little wet grey vaginas. Ehh, I don’t think so. In fact, picturing oysters like that sort of grosses me out. I like them fried anyway; then they look like testicles.

Other foods do yummy things to the brain, such as chocolate. Chocolate contains phenylethylamine and serotonin, two chemicals known to stimulate the brain’s pleasure areas. Chocolate doesn't make you more sexy, but it sure tastes good.

Supposedly, if a man smells pumpkin, penile blood flow is increased (vanilla scent does this for older men). Thanksgiving must drive the guys nuts, don’t you think?

A quick run on Google fielded all sorts of books on recipes for great sex. The main theme I found while reading the descriptions was that good nutrition and well-being have a lot to do with sexual energy. So we should get in shape, eat right, and maybe we won’t blow out the scented pumpkin candle and just fall asleep on that special night.

Books on recipes for sex:

The Passion Parties Guide to Great Sex: Secrets and Techniques to Keep Your Relationship Red Hot

RECIPES FOR HOT SEX: add spice to your sex life!

Great Food, Great Sex: The Three Food Factors for Sexual Fitness

The Orgasmic Diet: A Revolutionary Plan to Lift Your Libido and Bring You to Orgasm

The Hot Sex Handbook

Pamela Roller is the author of On Silent Wings, a sexy gothic historical romance set in Restoration England. Visit her website at http://www.pamelaroller.com/.©Pamela Roller

By Pamela Roller

I'm writing this with my box of tissues close by, fighting a nasty head cold. In spite of my sneezing and sniffling, however, I'm really pumped about Christmas. It's my all-time favorite time of year. I get as excited as a little kid.

Was Christmas exciting 400 years ago? Imagine, no new laptops under the tree, no Kindles, iPods, books by fabulous authors, nor the latest in kitchen gadgets. No new car in the driveway with a huge red bow (not that I ever got one of those), no inflatable snowmen in the yard or netted lights around the bushes. Just what did people give as gifts four centuries ago? How did they celebrate? How did they decorate?

And can you imagine Christmas being banned? Let's go back to 17th century England to see what happened.

Through the early 1600s, December 25 was a holy day (holiday), celebrating the birth of Christ. Shops and offices were closed, and people attended special services at church. This day marked the first of the Twelve Days of Christmas, and over the next eleven days, people went to more church services, and businesses and shops were open for shorter hours. Sounds tame, right? Read on.

Families decorated their homes with ivy and holly and rosemary. Just inside the threshold of a house was hung a woven bough, in the middle of which was placed a small effigy of the Christ child or the holy family, and was blessed by the local priest. Those who visited the house during the Twelve Days of Christmas showed they brought only goodwill with them by a symbolic embrace under this holy bough (this became the hanging of mistletoe in Victorian times). In the spirit of "keeping up with the Joneses," families vied with each other to decorate their boughs more elaborately with gilded nuts, small apples, colorful ribbons and the like.

Where they lived and how much free time and money they could spend determined their degrees of celebrating. Visiting friends and family, eating and drinking, and exchanging presents was the norm. The richer folk gave "boxes" of money to servants, the poor, and various tradesmen. St. Nicholas was not one who gave children presents as he does today, but rather was considered a sort of Master of Ceremonies for community and private celebrations.

And folks got wild during the Twelve Days of Christmas.

People made special food and drink, back then filling up on plum pudding, minced pies, turkey, peacock, goose, swan and beef. Taverns sold huge quantities of their specially brewed Christmas ale. These days were a deliberately permissive period of singing and dancing, eating and drinking to gluttonous bliss, sitting around, playing games, gambling, getting drunk, and having a whole lot of sex. Twelfth night, the last night of the celebration, was marked by even more feasting and frivolous fun.

Alas, toward the mid 1600s, many people, in particular the more Godly, frowned upon this type of Christmas celebration. Too extravagant, they said, too disorderly. And far too immoral. Moreover, Christ’s mass, as they saw Christmas, was encouraged by the Catholic Church and had no biblical justification. Thus, they sought to ban the celebration of Christmas, which they saw as Popish and sinful. The new buzzword was "Christ-tide," where December 25 would be a day of fasting and spending most of the day in worship. Parliament, increasingly supporting Puritan Protestant Oliver Cromwell, ordered people to remember in humiliation those who had, in the past, turned the day into sinful gluttony, "giving liberty to carnal and sensual delights." From about 1647 to 1660—during Cromwell's rule—no one in Great Britain was allowed to celebrate Christmas. Shops were ordered to remain open on December 25, and it was against the law to eat mincemeat pie.

However, traditions are hard to kill, and many people continued to celebrate. Secret religious services marking the birth of Christ continued to be held on December 25. This led to a Christmas civil war, so to speak, in the late 1640s that consisted of sometimes violent confrontations to force shops and businesses to stay open and to prevent public celebrations.

The defeat of Cromwell and the restoration of Charles II led to declaring all legislation of banning the celebration of Christmas null and void. The religious and secular elements of the full Twelve Days of Christmas was restored.

Eat, drink and be merry. Happy holidays!

Pamela Roller is the author of On Silent Wings, a gothic historical romance set in Restoration England. Visit her website at http://www.pamelaroller.com/.
©Pamela Roller