Escaping your comfort zone...

I write romantic comedy, and I’ll be the first to admit…I totally suck at sex scenes. Why? Because what it boils down to is my comfort zone. I’m totally private about that part of my life. I can be open when talking to a single person, one-in-one, but to say it in public, that’s not comfortable…it’s not my norm.

I can read erotica, in fact, I love just about every genre of books, but for me to try to use the language, tone, words, descriptions of erotica just doesn’t work…it’s just not me...in fact it makes me laugh. So how does a person who wants to add steam to a story go about finding that middle ground/tone to take?

Some days, I think it’s a generational thing…some days, I think it’s how I was raised, old-fashioned Southern Baptist. There’s good and bad, but it’s all a perception thing.

How do you teach a person to find a new comfort zone?

I consider myself a fairly open-minded person, but I won’t change for anyone, it has to be for me, with my understanding of why it’s necessary.

I can swear like a drunken sailor, but I usually only do that when I’m in private and 99 times out of 100 I’m swearing at my computer. I’ve slipped and dropped the “F” bomb occasionally and end up feeling horribly guilty.

How do you let go of repression…whether it’s language, sex, or whatever, and still feel like you’re being true to yourself, evolving as a human being, a woman, even an aging woman? I’m almost at the point of feeling like I won’t find myself until I’m in my 80′s and can finally say WTF, nobody matters enough for me to watch it anymore…look out here I come.

I was recently told I needed to up my sexy quotient in my books. That’s all well and good, but what about my comfort zone? Telling me to write sexier is as good as telling me I’m not sexy. I don’t know of many women who are 100% comfortable with themselves, me included. I’d love to be skinnier. I’d love to be prettier. I’d love to say I have it all…not gonna happen.

I recently asked an author friend: Why can’t I feel my own value? What’s stifling me? Am I doing it to myself because of the beliefs drummed into me at an early age? What’s it gonna take to be able to finally say “screw it, just do it”?

Her response was: it’s between your thighs GIGGLE! Sweetheart, only you can decide that. You have to do what YOU are comfortable with and it helps to push that envelope when you feel comfortable enough to do it. Start small and work your way up.

During our chat on the phone my answer became clear. She said you write romantic comedy…romantic comedy isn’t about your hoo-ha getting’ happy, it’s about the humor of the situations. Instead of worrying about the descriptions of what they’re feeling and doing, it’s about how crazy and wild they’re getting…like going at it so hard and fast they bang their heads together…to which I replied or going at it so hard one of them bangs the wall and leaves an imprint of their heads.

So to stay true to myself…I’ll keep writing, but at the same time I’ll keep my characters true to the genre and keep my mind open and keep moving forward, and let go of the stress.

Happy reading.

Deb