I write romantic comedy, and I’ll be the first to admit…I totally suck at sex scenes. Why? Because what it boils down to is my comfort zone. I’m totally private about that part of my life. I can be open when talking to a single person, one-in-one, but to say it in public, that’s not comfortable…it’s not my norm.

I can read erotica, in fact, I love just about every genre of books, but for me to try to use the language, tone, words, descriptions of erotica just doesn’t work…it’s just not me...in fact it makes me laugh. So how does a person who wants to add steam to a story go about finding that middle ground/tone to take?

Some days, I think it’s a generational thing…some days, I think it’s how I was raised, old-fashioned Southern Baptist. There’s good and bad, but it’s all a perception thing.

How do you teach a person to find a new comfort zone?

I consider myself a fairly open-minded person, but I won’t change for anyone, it has to be for me, with my understanding of why it’s necessary.

I can swear like a drunken sailor, but I usually only do that when I’m in private and 99 times out of 100 I’m swearing at my computer. I’ve slipped and dropped the “F” bomb occasionally and end up feeling horribly guilty.

How do you let go of repression…whether it’s language, sex, or whatever, and still feel like you’re being true to yourself, evolving as a human being, a woman, even an aging woman? I’m almost at the point of feeling like I won’t find myself until I’m in my 80′s and can finally say WTF, nobody matters enough for me to watch it anymore…look out here I come.

I was recently told I needed to up my sexy quotient in my books. That’s all well and good, but what about my comfort zone? Telling me to write sexier is as good as telling me I’m not sexy. I don’t know of many women who are 100% comfortable with themselves, me included. I’d love to be skinnier. I’d love to be prettier. I’d love to say I have it all…not gonna happen.

I recently asked an author friend: Why can’t I feel my own value? What’s stifling me? Am I doing it to myself because of the beliefs drummed into me at an early age? What’s it gonna take to be able to finally say “screw it, just do it”?

Her response was: it’s between your thighs GIGGLE! Sweetheart, only you can decide that. You have to do what YOU are comfortable with and it helps to push that envelope when you feel comfortable enough to do it. Start small and work your way up.

During our chat on the phone my answer became clear. She said you write romantic comedy…romantic comedy isn’t about your hoo-ha getting’ happy, it’s about the humor of the situations. Instead of worrying about the descriptions of what they’re feeling and doing, it’s about how crazy and wild they’re getting…like going at it so hard and fast they bang their heads together…to which I replied or going at it so hard one of them bangs the wall and leaves an imprint of their heads.

So to stay true to myself…I’ll keep writing, but at the same time I’ll keep my characters true to the genre and keep my mind open and keep moving forward, and let go of the stress.

Happy reading.



  1. Barbara Monajem // May 28, 2014 at 12:47 PM  

    Sigh. I totally relate, Deb. I pushed out of my comfort zone and got used to it, but even so I'm still a bit shy. As long as no one asks me to read one of my sexy scenes out loud, I guess I'll be fine!

  2. debjulienne // May 28, 2014 at 12:51 PM  

    Barbara, I hear you...I'm more comfortable laughing about it than writing it...

  3. Mary Ricksen // May 28, 2014 at 1:18 PM  

    I couldn't have said it better! I never re-read my sex scenes. I am not the norm I guess. But, I'd rather laugh about it, then write it too!

  4. Beth Trissel // May 28, 2014 at 1:54 PM  

    Great post, Deb. I also totally hear you. Thanks for sharing so honestly. As always, I enjoy your humor. :)

  5. K.J. Pierce // May 28, 2014 at 2:36 PM  

    I love this! As a newbie author who's just released her first novel (which I guess could be described as romantic comedy kinda sorta) the idea of including sex scenes was something I wrestled with. I ended up leaving it all off screen (page?) using innuendo because I didn't feel it added anything to the story to include it.

    That being said, I love the suggestion about making sex scenes work within the context of the genre they're in. I guess that's kind of a no-brainer, and yet I'd never thought about it.

    Maybe I'll be able to use this, er, technique in the sequel... :-)

  6. Amy Lee Burgess // May 28, 2014 at 3:23 PM  

    This is a great way to write sex scenes in a romantic comedy! I love it!

  7. debjulienne // May 30, 2014 at 4:10 PM  

    Mary, I'm with you...I guess what I do in private is just that...I don't WANNA share...but on paper...totally fair game for humor!

  8. debjulienne // May 30, 2014 at 4:11 PM  

    Thanks Beth, you've been with me since before I ever was...;-)

  9. debjulienne // May 30, 2014 at 4:12 PM  

    K.J. I agree...I struggled...and it just sounded so lame...so once I realized it's about the genre, no the sex...it was easy...book II, III, and IV are really going to bring that out.

  10. debjulienne // May 30, 2014 at 4:13 PM  

    Amy, I seriously never really thought about it..and I had more trouble with writing the sex scenes when I was focused on the sex, not the story/genre...once that happened...it opened a whole new door, broke a window, and a giant wisdom owl flew out...been having fun ever since.

  11. Josie // June 1, 2014 at 9:19 AM  

    Deb, Thanks for posting a fun blog. I can definitely relate to everything you're saying.

  12. Scarlet Pumpernickel // June 1, 2014 at 5:21 PM  

    I so understand this. It was one of the main reasons I decided to use a pen name when I published my romantic suspense. Especially since I was still teaching at the time. MJ can be naughty where Scarlet just turns hot pink!

  13. debjulienne // June 2, 2014 at 6:58 PM  

    Josie, I'm feeling so much better about my writing since I realized this...it even allows my brain more freedom to be mean to my characters, in a funny way.

  14. debjulienne // June 2, 2014 at 6:59 PM  

    Scarlet...I know what you mean...I thought about it and finally decided I'm crazy enough with just one name...any more and I'll forget who I am.