The one thing I always wanted was to have children. Believe me when I say I did everything I could, but for some reason God decided not to give them to me. For years it has been my biggest heartbreak. I so envied those lucky mom's who got to smell the sweet infant scent, you know the one that melts your heart. To never hear those first words, or see those first steps, I musta been really bad in my last life!

When people showed me pictures, or my sister sent the videos of my nieces, I held back my feelings. How, could this happen to me. To adopt a normal baby was way out of my league. Who has twenty grand sitting around for the chance of holding that small bundle and giving my unconditional love. Not me. So I have held my hearts desire at bay. Stop thinking about how much I would have done for my child, or what I have missed...because there wasn't a thing I could do about it anyhow.

On Friday night I thanked God for not putting me through the pain so many parents felt that evening. I watched as a whole country cried over the senseless death of innocents. What reason was there to kill those children? Why did God let it happen? So many questions and no answers for any of them.
Do we stop letting people have guns? Would that stop the death of these children? How many parents are wondering what they can do. It boggles the mind. Mostly because the answer is so vague and uncertain.

Could anyone have suspected that their child would kill them? Why does a woman need an assault rifle, for target practice? Why weren't those guns locked up? I just don't get it...

Would it help to have guns taken away from everyone? Does the saying, "if guns were outlawed, only outlaws would have them," make sense to you?

I don't know, but I don't like the idea that my neighbor's son pulled an AK47 on my husband when he went to ask about our fence after a hurricane. If that was my son, he'd be in a place out west for disturbed boys, getting the help he needed. Well, that didn't happen, last I heard he was doing ten years for assault with a deadly weapon. Why did his mother allow her son, who she knew had issues, to continue his behavior and be his enabler? I don't get it at all.
I'd like to think my child would have been killed. Your children are supposed to outlive you!
The horror of what those parents are going through, I just can't fathom. But, maybe God had a reason for not giving me children. Would my child be dead from this kind of horror? How could I stand that kind of pain, I cannot imagine. Never to see that impish face of my child again. Never to hold that little body close and infuse my love into it. Never to watch them grow and marry and hold those grandchildren, would be more than I could live with.
But, even worse, imagine being that young man's father. To know your flesh and blood had done the unthinkable--it boggles the mind. I can't go there.
My friends know I am a sap. I cry over old Lassie movies. I just had a hard time understanding when a co-author pal told me she wouldn't cry if she was telling her best friend, that a child they knew had been raped, in a book we are writing together. Two of our critique partners agreed. Me, I'd be crying a blue streak.
But, sap or not, no one can watch the news and not feel the emotional loss. No one...
So, I guess what I am trying to say is this. No one can understand why awful things happen to innocents of any age. No one will ever really know what drove a young man to murder his mother. How could he shoot another round after he saw the blood, the pain, or heard the screams...how could he shoot on and on? There is no way to comprehend that kind of mindset. But, I tell you this, for once in my life I thank God that I don't have children. Because, I don't think I could have survived that kind of pain.

Are you a dog or cat person, or are you like me, both.
Every morning after I take my shower I meet the greeting group, my dog BoBo, my dog Nibby, and my cat Skinny. It's just a queen size bed so the sight of two 80 lb German Shepherds and a Calico cat between them on it, makes me smile each time I see it. There is a ritual we go through. I dress and sit between the dogs on the bed as the cat sits in my lap. I have to use both hands to pet the dogs while the elbow rubs on the cat. We all talk to each other. I say hello to them and they each have their own way to return the hello to me. Skinny meows, she is a real talker and very bossy. Always telling me what to do. Feed me, pet me, let me out, and let me in, amongst a few. My favorite is as she sits in front of the refrigerator and begs for ham. She loves it. And would you believe there are no cat or dog foods make from ham. Sorry skinny.
Nibby although the younger dog has a deeper voice then BoBo. She kinda moans and talks with a woo woo sound. BoBo on the other hand has a high pitched whine. Together they sing for my attention. All together that is. And I whine too. Crazy I know, but we are all part of a pack I figure. So we all sing together. My neighbors must think I'm nuts. Well guilty as charged. They shoulda seen me in the early seventies. Gosh I miss those days. My mind thank God, survived it all.
Nibby is slim and still learning how to behave. BoBo has it down pat. She knows if she does what we want she gets lots of treats and hugs. I hug and kiss my pets and they grow up loving it.They are the most affectionate animals you will ever see. Excerpt for your own I'm sure.
Next we go to the kitchen where Skinny eats her Fancy Feast and the dogs get morning biscuits cause they eat their main meal at night. After that it's a run in the yard. Skinny has disappeared in the hedges and she never leaves my yard thank God. She came to me from my brother in law who passed away. He saved her from the streets. Now she is the Queen. BoBo was his dog, but she stayed so much with us when he was sick, she feels at home here. The dogs fear that paw swipe thing Skinny has down pat.
You'd be surprised to see two huge dogs back aside for a sauntering cat to pass by.
BoBo and Nibby run so fast and so loud it reminds me of race horses as they thunder down the track.
We had to replace the grass again. Hope this stuff lasts a bit longer then the last. It cost enough so it better.

BoBo, Chris, Nibby and Me at Christmas    

                                                                                                            Skinny who doesn't know she's a cat!

After all of that they greet my DH Chris. He doesn't get as much love and hugs as I do because he disciplines them. They love him, but they LOVE me! I'm mommy and I feed, them and give them their medicine, and comfort them when they hurt themselves, I stop the fights, and I am the holder of all dog and kitty treats. Lastly we watch Skinny as she rolls in her Catnip and gets very feisty. She puts on a show for us, chases the dogs and is the boss of them. Who wouldn't love to have pets that give you such unconditional love. They don't care if I don't look my best, they don't even notice. Haven't known that kinda love since my grandma died!
Then it's laptop time. With two dogs on my feet, (literally), and a cat that likes to walk on my keyboard, a cup of PGtips tea and I'm ready to write. Now if my Muse was only as easy as my pets I'd be on my way.
What do you and your pets do that makes your day with them special? Poor Chris, he doesn't know what he's missing.