The Pink Fuzzy Slipper Writers

How to discipline your child or grandchild?

This is a hot topic now that the “Hot Sauce Mom” case is making headlines. If you’re not familiar with the situation it’s about an Alaskan mother who washed her adopted son’s mouth out with hot sauce and made him take a cold shower because he wiggled around in class and used his pencil to swordfight. This sounds like normal seven year old behavior to me, so I question why his teacher even mentioned the incident to the mother, unless his ability to sit still or focus is a constant problem. If that’s the case he needs a medical examination.

Check out the U-tube video of the Hot Sauce Mom here. Her daughter shot the video and sent it to the Dr. Phil show. www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJhYRiwV-7c

The Hot Sauce Mom used psychological abuse, AKA emotional abuse, to try to get through to her son. This approach is as destructible to a child’s well-being as physical abuse. There may not be any visible scars on the body, but I assure you there are scars on the brain. Trauma of this nature often leads to dissociative behavior and affects how a person interacts with the world.

I firmly believe that if you don’t have a solution to a problem you shouldn’t complain about it. Let me first say that my college degree is in Business Management, not Psychology, so I don’t claim to be an expert. But I played a part in establishing the School Age Program that is used in the Department of Defense’s military Child Development Programs. SAP is still nurturing healthy young minds today.

One of the program’s objectives is to help parents and caregivers of children to come up with alternative ways to discipline. My parents spanked me and I’m alright. We hear this so much in our culture. I’m not discounting the truth of this statement; instead I challenge you to consider other ways to instruct your child, instead of spanking.

One such way is time-out. Been there, done that, some of you will say. It doesn’t work. I’ve seen time-out in action and when done right, it is an effective tool. Another helpful technique used to control behavior is taking away the positive things in a child’s life. For example, their favorite toy.

Let’s examine both approaches closer.

1. Both TAKE COMMITMENT: This is the most important step in the process. Your child has to know you will follow through on what you say you will do. If you don’t act to correct bad behavior, you lose credibility. Your actions must be consistent every time a problem occurs. You can’t take a day off from this job.

2. Both are effective only with REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: You know your child. What is he/she capable of doing? Don’t set her up for failure. Don’t establish rules or set limits that are not within her reach. For example, most three-year-olds can realistically sit still for about 3 - 5 minutes. Don’t expect a toddler to remain quiet or sit still for long periods of time. This only leads to frustration for both parent and child.

3. Both require AGE APPROPRIATE LANGUAGE and LOGIC: This doesn’t mean you should dummy down language when you speak to a child. This is about explaining your wishes in a way that she not only understands but can apply to any situation she encounters. Don’t just explain the types of behaviors you want her to avoid, let her know why it is important to behave a certain way. Give the reason. For example, if she hits her friend, her friend won’t want to play with her again.

4. Both require PREDICTABLE CONSEQUENCES: A child’s environment has to have predictability in it. If he knows what to expect from you he feels safe and comforted (I don’t have to worry. Momma goes to work in the morning, but she comes home in the evenings). Use this same approach to help him learn what you expect from him. (If my behavior is good, mommy will respond in a positive way) And once you set the rules don’t change them in the middle of the game. Not fair! Being consistent helps him to learn that if he makes bad decisions, bad things will happen. Good decisions, good things will happen.

5. Both require you use what your child CHERISHES or VALUES to control behavior: This is usually the most important thing in your child’s life at the moment. Maybe it’s her favorite Barbie, his love of playing baseball with his friends, or if he is older the privilege of earning more Xbox 360 play time. For negative behavior take the positive thing in your child’s life away (favorite toy) or use time-out to correct him or her.

Raising a child is not an easy task. We usually only have our parents as our blueprints. In school we’re taught how to balance a checkbook, not how to raise happy and productive human beings. I hope these tips help to make the most important job in your life easier. Because the truth is, a parent who doesn’t discipline properly can do serious damage to a child’s body and soul.

What do you think?

Until later,

Pamela Varnado